Minutes of the 487th semiweekly meeting of the Community Area Association for the Advancement of Art Appreciation Among Anal Retentive Painters (CAAAAAAARP).

The meeting was called to order by president, Jim Lane, at 8:01 p.m. (7:01 p.m. Central Time) on May 6, 1999, in the back room of the Cafe Guerbois with 45 members present. Members recited the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, the Preamble to the Constitution, the Hippocratic Oath, and the words to M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E. A point of order was raised by Leslie regarding the fact that the meeting started a minute late, whereupon she stormed out taking her 36 Oreo cookies (with double stuff) and her gallon of alizarin crimson colored Kool-Aid, saying she couldn't abide such irresponsibility. JP offered to hold the next meeting at his place provided he could serve absinthe and his homemade granola bars. Vera made the motion we accept his offer provided he'd share his recipe for homemade granola bars. Alison wanted to know what Absinthe was. Dotty seconded the motion provided the granola bars be fat-free. A secret ballot was taken with 15 in favor, 15 against, and 15 abstaining. The matter was tabled until the next meeting.

Nita read the minutes from the last meeting. They were approved with the following changes: a semicolon should be replaced by a comma in the third sentence of the second paragraph, and the term "pissed off" should be replaced by "hissy-fit" at the end of the fourth paragraph. Daniel objected to these changes citing the 49th amendment barring censorship. He was booed down. Elin read the treasurer's report listing $123.16 in the checking account plus 2 shares of Grumbacher which closed today at 16 7/8, 4 shares of Windsor Newton which was down 1 1/4 points to 101 1/2, and $3.68 in petty cash. She reported that all but one member had paid his or her annual dues. Susan moved that we spend 33-cents for a postage stamp to send a letter to the individual not having done so, demanding payment. Renee seconded the motion on the condition the stamp be self-adhesive. A secret ballot was taken with 22 in favor, 22 opposed, with Daniel abstaining inasmuch as he would be the beneficiary of such largess. The matter was tabled until the next meeting.

Vic requested that a disbursal of $1.89 (one pound sterling) be made from petty cash so that someone could purchase from Garcon of a bag of Planters dry-roasted, salted peanuts to replace the 33 Oreo cookies (with double stuff) that Leslie took with her when she departed. Hilda corrected him that there were 36 Oreo Cookies (with double-stuff). Vic replied something or other with his mouth full of Oreo Cookies (with double stuff). The vote was secret ballot was 44 in favor and 1 against with Daniel elaborating at great length on how stale Garcon's nuts were. Motion passed. Hylla reported back a few minute later that Garcon was out of nuts but had a special on sunflower seeds at only $1.29 per bag. Vic requested to know how much that was in pounds sterling. Daniel objected that they were probably stale too. Motion to accept Garcon's kind offer passed by voice vote. Garcon served with them 45 Zip-lock snack bags for the hulls and a pitcher of water with one sorta clean glass (free of charge). The group voted overwhelmingly (with one objection) to send him a thank-you note for his kindness.

In old business, JP requested we all write to the local constabulary regarding the removal of his name from the police blotter as a result the little altercation following the last meeting involving one member's goat, another's parrot, and the president's lovely, sweet Sheltie guard dog named Fileena. Alison asked why they still called it a blotter in that all entries were now made on an a Packard Bell computer with a 6.4 gig hard drive. Renee moved that in the future all members should be admonished to leave their pets at home. Topaz seconded the motion providing an exception be made for teddy bears. In a secret ballot, 15 were in favor, 15 opposed, and fifteen votes were lost in the shuffle as the parrot and the goat went at it again. Ellie demanded an immediate investigation as to what happened to the 15 purloined ballots whereupon it was revealed that the goat ATE them. An argument arose as to whether it was really the goat or his owner who ate the ballots, and the possibility that the parrot may have eaten some of them too. With this, Garcon intervened, ejecting all animals into the back alley and threatened to call the police again if there were any more rowdiness. Somehow, JP sneaked back in from the alley. The matter regarding pets at future meetings was tabled until the next meeting.

In new business, the president suggested the election of a sergeant-at-arms to improve the decorum at future meetings. Ann seconded the motion provided the officer be elected from those members of the group who were quilters inasmuch as they were a good influence on the group and seldom got arrested for anything more than misdemeanors at any of the meetings. The motion died for lack of a second. Since there was no more new business, it was moved by Alan, seconded by Granny, and thirded by Alison that the meeting be adjourned. No vote was taken for lack of a quorum. The Reverend Randall Pike presented the program entitled: "How I Became a Wealthy Abstract Painter with Little or No Effort and Even Less Talent." He also provided the benediction. Karen reported later that it was a very interesting program.