TOP TEN reasons Santa might suspect there is an ARTIST in the house.
10. No smell of pine but a distinct trace of turpentine in the air.
9. All the doors and windows in the house, even the CHIMNEY face NORTH.
8. No Christmas tree, only an empty easel with a string of lights.
7. Someone's still awake in the attic with a heat gun muttering, "Dry, you s.o.b., DRY!"
6. All the cookies on the hearth are shaped like cute little palettes with different colored gumdrops.
5. The presents are all wrapped in recycled bags from someplace called "Cheap Joe's."
4. Someone has PAINTED every other kernel of popcorn on the tree alizarin crimson or thalo green.
3. The pretty snow scenes painted on every pane of glass in the house, even the bathroom mirrors.
2. He finally gets to unload that bulky, 4-wheeled thingie with the glass top and 129 little pigeon holes underneath that he's been carting round for 25,000 miles!
1. The empty Wild Turkey bottles out back in the trash!